The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
* Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
* Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

If you can piss this high, join the fire department.
On the wall in the men's restroom at a height of 6 feet.
* O'Ryan's -Irish Pub. Ashland, Oregon.

Beauty is only a light switch away.
* Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina.

I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
* Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
* Armand's Pizza. Washington, D.C.

Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
* Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia.

God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
*The Irish Times. Washington, D.C.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
* The Bayou, Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
* Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

To do is to be. -Descartes
To be is to do. -Voltaire
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra
* Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats. Scottsdale, Arizona.