Ha! Ha!Looney Lists!

 

40 things you won't hear from a Southern Male...

  • 40. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
  • 39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
  • 38. Duct tape won't fix that.
  • 37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
  • 36. Come to think of it, I'll have a martini.
  • 35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
  • 34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
  • 33. You can't feed that to the dog.
  • 32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
  • 31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
  • 30. Wrestling's fake.
  • 29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
  • 28. We're vegetarians.
  • 27. Do you think my gut is too big?
  • 26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
  • 25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
  • 24. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?
  • 23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
  • 22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
  • 21. Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
  • 20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
  • 19. Trim the fat off that steak.
  • 18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
  • 17. The tires on that truck are too big.
  • 16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
  • 15. I've got it all on the C: drive.
  • 14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
  • 13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
  • 12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
  • 11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
  • 10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
  • 9. Checkmate.
  • 8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
  • 7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
  • 6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
  • 5. I don't have a favorite college team.
  • 4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
  • 3. You All.
  • 2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darlin'.
  • 1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin'
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