I will not eat the cats food, before or after they eat it. I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into the fast food restaurant, no matter how good it smells. The computer's mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up. I will not throw up in the car. I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of hangers-on. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. I will not roll my head around in other animals poop. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food. I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones. I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose anywhere on her person. I will not chew my humans toothbrush and not tell them. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my humans will think I am hemorrhaging. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's drivers license and car registration. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.