|
A client of the Salt Lake City law firm of Johnson & Hatch collects silly questions asked by lawyers. The column-writing team of Paul Rolly and Joann Jacobsen-Wells reproduced some of them in the Salt Lake Tribune. The following are some of these questions, actually asked by lawyers during the course of trials: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?" "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?" Q: "What happened then?"A: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me!'" Q: "Did he kill you?" "The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?" "Were you alone or by yourself?" "Was it you or your younger brother that was killed in the war?" Q: "I show you exhibit 3 and ask if you recognize that picture." A: "That's me." Q: "Were you present when that picture was taken?" Q: "Do you know how pregnant you are now?" A: "I'll be three months November 8." Q: "So the date of conception was August 8?" A: "Yes." Q: "What were you doing at that time?" Q: "Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?" A: "I used to be." Q: "How many times have you committed suicide?" Q: "She had three children, right?" A: "Yes." Q: "How many were boys?" A: "None." Q: "Were there any girls?" Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?" A: "Yes." Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?" Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes, sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? |
|
And recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses. The following are things people actually said in court, word for word:
Q: What is your date of birth?
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke
that morning? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. Q: Did he kill you? Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A. By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. |
| Giggles 'n Guffaws
| Hot Flashes
| Main Index | Mail The Momma! | 
