My Mother taught me FAITH...
"Because I told you so, that's why."

My Mother taught me MEDICINE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My mother taught me about SEX...
"How do you think you got here?"

My mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You are just like your father!"

My mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING...
"You are going to get it when we get home."

And my all time favorite thing, JUSTICE...
"One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."

My mother taught me IRONY...
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE WHAT I HAVE...
"It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick."

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE...
"If you're going to kill each other off, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION...
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL...
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you to the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC...
"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT...
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me OSMOSIS...
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me LOVE...
"You know that whatever happens, I'll always stand behind you."