* Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

* The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

* You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere.

* Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

* You get winded playing chess.

* Your children begin to look middle aged.

* You're still chasing women but can't remember why.

* A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.

* You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

* You look forward to a dull evening.

* You walk with your head high trying to get used to your bifocals.

* Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today..."

* You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.

* You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

* Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

* You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.

* After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.

* Dialing long distance wears you out.

* You're startled the first time you are addressed as an old timer.

* You just can't stand people who are intolerant.

* The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.

* You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm.

* Your back goes out more often than you do.

* A fortune teller offers to read your face.

* Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by.

* The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

* You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.

* You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.