Oh Lordy! Another totally flawed movie based on a Nicholas Evans novel Message in a Bottle! You'd think I'd learn, but I'm a cockeyed romantic who totally enjoys a great love story and hope does springs eternal. First the plotline: A lonely woman named Theresa (Robin Wright Penn) discovers bottled love letters tossed into the ocean written by a grieving widower named Garret (Kevin Costner). Theresa becomes spellbound by the heartfelt emotion of Garret's written words. She tracks down his whereabouts and drives off to meet the mystery man behind the words. This could be really good... woman meets man... they fall in love and live happily ever after. It's Valentines Day and the hunk and I are ready for a warm fuzzie. Well boys 'n girls, can you spell S-L-O-O-O-O-W, P-A-I-N-F-U-L and P-L-O-D-D-I-N-G? I won't bore you with all the many reasons that this film falls flat or expose the unnecessary contrived ending. I'll only say that not once during this endless 2hour+ movie did I get the telltale rocks in the throat or get misty-eyed with emotion let alone cry! The only character I cared about was Garret's father, Dodge, masterfully played by The Paul Newman who whenever on screen injected this dull montage with it's only life and the most memorable lines. Unfortunately Paul wasn't on screen nearly enough to save me from the doldrums, the endless overbearing musical scoring and the slowing ticking clock. Gawd how I prayed for this film to end. Frankly, I would of liked the film much better if Robin Wright Penn's (who also gave a good performance) character fell for Dodge instead of Costner's mumbly boring Garret! Now at least that twosome would be a couple we could care about! The reason for the two bag instead of the so deserved bag in flames? Simply...the joy in watching Paul Newman, the beautiful location 'n set decoration, and the one great Eric Clapton cut in the over-the-top sound track.

Every once and awhile 'n especially after a period when nothing seems to go right, I feel the need to blow off some built up steam with a movie filled with vengeful violence. The addition of viewing one of my fav males doing da dirty deeds is iceing on the cake. In this recent crime noir Payback, our hero, Porter (Mel Gibson) pulls off a big time heist with his partner Val (Gregg Henry), only to have his buddy turn on him and his not so lovin' wife shoot him in the back. The nerve! Val runs off with Porter's wife and loot, leaving Porter for dead. He's not dead, though, but totally irritated and the scorned Porter hunts his old pal though a washed out urban wasteland. Helping Porter on the trail is his former flame, a high-class call girl named Rosie (Maria Bello). James Coburn's cameo is a hoot. Lucy Liu as an Asian dominatrix is a fine example of industrial strength PMS. Ah a little revenge can be oh so sweet! Nothing new here... just some movie going fun and a chance to root for the bad guy. Yeah Mel! Go get um!

Good grief! While watching You've Got Mail I felt just like the kid telling all who were admiring the Emperor's new clothes... "Yo... Heads up people... The Emperor is naked... really really naked!" While most reviewers are oohing 'n aahing this film, I'm left wondering what drugs they were taking because it would appear I saw a totally different movie because the one I saw sucked... really really sucked! In other words, this film surprizingly did not work for me at all. After over ten years of enjoying to the fullest Meg Ryan's previous films (two of them with Hanks 'n served up well from the same writers 'n producers... the divine divas of warm fuzzies, the Ephron sisters) from Joe and The Volcano, When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, Prelude to a Kiss, French Kiss, and even Addicted To Love, this highly anticipated film failed in it's attempt to recapture the magic of the previous ones. Frankly there was more movie magic on the screen in the previews of coming attractions than in the entire You've Got Mail screenplay at least for both myself and The Hunk. For a story to work and to truely hook you into the plot, first 'n foremost, you have to like the characters. I was totally turned off by Tom Hanks this time. His character was mean spirited and far from the loveable character we all cheered for in Sleepless. I found his numerous closeups marred by his pudgy face 'n 'lil eyed appearance and could not find one endearing quality to make me believe in this romance especially from the point in the film when he realizes his e-mail pal is Meg Ryan's character and yet the subtrifuge sluggishly continues to yet again the very end of the film. Oh Paleeze! And what was the inclusion of the lecherous dad and granddad characters suppose to add BTW? Needless to say, I found this a huge disappointment... a calculated, contrived and never engaging commercial for AOL and Starbucks. Fact is, those of us in the internet-know, laughingly know that any e-mail correspondence dependant on AOL as the ISP would have a very rough time even getting through on a regular basis, let alone flourishing into a cyber romance. The reason for the Two Bags instead of the oh so deserved Burning Bag... simply Meg Ryan! I'd pay to watch her read a phone book. You want to experience true romantic comedies that work... rent the previous films mentioned or the last magical warm fuzzy of two years ago from the same Ephron sisters with John Travolta as Michael the adorable archangel. hhmmmmmm... that was movie magic 'n oh boy I can still smell the cookies!

WOW... have I ever been inspired! Meet Joe Black (produced and directed by Martin Brest) is simply film making at it's absolute finest! Few films ever attain their goal of making movie magic for their audience, but this film does that and more. Each element of this film from the screenplay and casting; the photography and editing; musical score and costume design is finely tuned and rich in detail resulting in a lush epic filled to the brim with true emotion. It's a story of love, of life, of death, of choice, of passion. It's a simple story that's profound, one of loss yet one of hope, complicated and bittersweet, and a magical story like no other. You'll laugh. You'll be surprized. You'll cry. You'll rejoice. The dialog is powerful and right on the mark. Anthony Hopkins and Brad Pitt are both mesmerizing and commanding and it's pure pleasure to see them together on screen. Both give Oscar quality performances that I'll never forget. Co-stars Claire Forlani, Jake Weber, Marcia Gay Harden, and Jeffrey Tambor surround our principles perfectly. Nay to those who might think this is a just a "chick flic" as my lovin' Hunk was as deeply moved as I by this marvelous film. So do yourself a favor... go experience the magic of Joe Black 'n for a real special time, take your father, your lover, or a friend. I'm going back to see it again as soon as the lumps leave my throat from this incredible cinematic journey as it just doesn't get better than this! This fantastic film goes on my all time favorite list!

What Dreams May Come Gasp! The last time I left a movie theatre feeling angry was after my misfortune in viewing "Contact" which insulted me no end. This mess of a movie left me even angrier, since my gut reaction on reading the screen play synopsis, was to strike this film off my must see list feeling it would be a disaster, but then I bought into Gene and Roger's over the top hype that this was a "stunning visionary masterpiece that must be seen on the big screen... " So ignoring my earlier gut warnings, I drag The Hunk off to see this "masterpiece" so that we might share this magical experience together. (Bear in mind that I'm an easy touch for the real magical warm fuzzies; I spill buckets of tears over Hallmark card commercials 'n films about real people that spontaneously touch the heart with true non-contrived emotion; but most importantly I am one of the very lucky ones who has a loving soul mate 'n who knows up close 'n personal the magic of having that kind of special bond!) Now fade to this film...

WARNING! DO NOT see this film UNLESS you WANT to experience a painstakingly long 106 minutes of non-stop manipulative, contrived, shallow, trite, pseudo-psycho-philosophical, SERMON from beginning to end! This "Dreams" tho wrapped in neato techno graphical effects at times, is simply a dull over wrought "Nightmare" and goes on my list of worst films ever. I tell you a 'lil truth ... The true soul mate doesn't go to Hell to prove his love... he just quietly endures sitting through this film without haranguing his mate afterwards with the justifiable in this case "I told you So's"! Now that, Boys 'n Girls, is true love!

A Ronin is a samurai without a lord, and the Ronins in this action thriller (directed by John Frankenheimer 'n reminiscent of "Day of The Jackal" and "The French Connection") are the intelligence agents, weapons experts and government hitmen left with no one to serve after the demise of the Cold War. Since our boys' unique talents render them unlikely candidates for job retraining programs, they try to beat their unemployment negative cash flows by selling their skills to the highest bidder. The employer in this tale represented by an Irishwoman (Natascha McElhone) rounds up five of these left over lordless Cold War samurais (including Robert De Niro as a former CIA operative... my fav Jean Reno as a French assassin and another fav Stellan Skarsgard as the computer geek with his own agenda) to do a dirty deed for her unnamed client: steal a mysterious briefcase before the Russians get it... and so we're out of the starting gate with shoot-outs, well done exhilerating car chases, and of course... betrayal. Ok ... not a new story, but what made this film most enjoyable for this momma was the beauty of the Southern France location, the quiet moments between the well choreographed action sequences and most of all the warmly seductive voice of the French actor who captivates this momma everytime he's on the screen... Jean Reno!

The aggravating trend of this summer of '98 continues... Everyone showing up for production except the writers with a good story for The Negotiator! Even tho this script is supposedly based on true events, the fine acting skills of both Samuel L. Jackson and Kevin Spacey cannot save us from yet another dull "been there...done that... seen that" film disappointment. There is not one surprise or original scene set up from start to finish leaving us awash in total predictability and little creative storytelling substance. There was a very good reason LA Confidential received an Oscar... a good story stupid! It's a shame that more 'n more producers are only focusing on the effects rather then the development of a juicey story we can all get our teeth into. Frankly I want more for my movie goin' buck than just another predictible bang... thank you very much!

Smoke Signals is the first feature film written and directed by American Indians 'n I say Bravo! This combination spoof on native stereotypes and road movie with heart is both touching and funny. I was charmed from the start hearing the deejay at the reservation's tiny radio station, KREZ, saying, "It's a good day to be indigenous." 'n then meeting the station's traffic/weather reporter only added iceing to the cake. Victor Joseph (Adam Beach) 'n Thomas Builds-the-Fire (Evan Adams) take us along for the ride on their physical and spiritual journeys 'n what an enjoyable ride it is! The characters are rich (Evan especially gives us a great quirky grinnin' storyteller in Thomas), the writing superb and the soundtrack is super! Fact is "John Wayne's Teeth" is now on my all time favorite tunes hit parade! You'll really have to hunt for this fine film as with so many wonderful independant features, it's only showing at the sparsely sprinked art film houses, but it's really one of the best films of the year 'n worth your time to find it!!

Well to say I adored the previous three Lethals would be an understatement. After a very long four years of awaiting another great episode of the continuing trials 'n tribulations of Murtaugh 'n Riggs, we get Lethal4... The Big Sleep! Good grief... I still have a neck ache from all those darn nasty head jerks as I kept dozing off 'n forcing myself awake over 'n over again (doncha just hate it when that happens?) throughout this whole movie. All our favorite characters finally come together for the long awaited reunion ('cept Riggs for some darn reason had his hair cut!)... adding unfortunately Chris Rock to the mix ('n what were they thinking there?!)... and totally forgeting to bring a good script to the project or to stick with the formula that had worked so well with the three previous adventures! What we were left with was just throw-away nonsense 'n special effect sequences tossed in without rhyme or reason. The ending pictorial credits were more enjoyable than most of the movie I'm sorry to say. The reason for the two bag rating 'stead of the burning bagger? ... simply... Mel Gibson!

The Mask of Zorro is perfect summer fare! What could be better than one Zorro? Well silly rabbit... two! Sir Anthony Hopkins portrays with his usual perfection-personified Zorro #1. Sir Anthony emotes more than most actors on the planet combined. What this man can do with a slight raise of the eyebrow, subdued eloquent speech 'n graceful movements will leave you mesmerized. He is wonderful as our aging swashbuckling hero. Can it get better?...Yup, Enter Antonio Banderas as the younger, unkempt, bumbling 'n dirty protegé to be. Antonio plays our second hero with the perfect combination of smoldering good looks and great comedic skills. Here's a hero that will knock your socks off, turn you on AND give you alot of laughs. Nothing worse than a hero who takes himself too seriously. Gleefully watch what happens as Zorro #1 fluffs'n folds, drills 'n molds our hairy studmuffin into Zorro Jr! Add to this duo the perfect feminine foil...Catherine Zeta-Jones who almost steals the show from both male leads! Now she absolutely lights up the screen with her presence! She's breathtakingly beautiful 'n both the flaminco and sword fight scenes between she and Antonio will have you screaming for more. This grand tale is a mix of old-time western epic, witty dialogue, gorgeous cinematography, laughs, sex appeal 'n yummy cast! What more could you ask for? You will have a grrrreat time. I'm ready for the sequel already!