|
My Dearest Sorceress...
I have heard you talk often of this wild individualist, Anonymomma,
but have never had the pleasure of meeting her myself, until last week.
I believe that I have finally had something of an encounter with your
friend, the internet bag lady, in a most unexpected place, I might add!
Of course you know that I keep lots of little link portals around my
home, and it was while employing one of these that I first saw this
amazing and enviably formed woman:
I had just stepped through the portal to one of my favorite haunts,
the Star Wars Universe, when I came face to face with a cataclysmic
battle. Lightsabers flashed, and explosions... well... exploded, all
around. It was a moment or two before I realized that the source of all
this racket was a sparring match between two most unlikely opponents.
One was a familiar, if not especially welcome figure clad in black
mail, and wielding a red saber like the master he was. Darth Vader and I
have had the unfortunate opportunity to meet before, so I was not
precisely surprised (or thrilled) to see him. No, it was his adversary
who caught and held my attention.
She was a beautiful woman, clad in a bikini and painfully high heels,
and wielding her lightsaber with true abandon. The thing that intrigued
me the most about this brave warrior was the paper bag she wore over her
head. Could this be the elusive and carefree Anonymomma that I had heard
so much about?
 
Well, I watched the fight for some moments, as the bag lady defended
herself with true skill, high heels notwithstanding, while I was trying
to discover how I might aid the buxom Jedi. As it turned out, she needed
none of my help, as out of nowhere a unicorn appeared. (Linda, I do
believe it was your own dear Randy! What he was doing in the Time Long
Ago, in the Galaxy Far, Far Away, I don't know! But, I found him later,
and shooed him off home, in your direction.) He promptly began harrying
the Dark Lord, giving the woman time enough to produce a second paper
bag and pull it over the head of her adversary. Before I could say a
word of greeting or congratulation, however, she was gone! I was
mystified, and most intrigued.
Well needless to say, I high-tailed it out of there at once, not
wishing to be around when Vader finally relieved himself of his new head
ornament. After all, who wants to face the Dark Lord of the Sith right
after he's been bagged? Not I, that's certain, so I snagged a loose
freighter ship, fired up the engines, and set out for one of my favorite
planets in the system: Tatooine.
Well, I hung about on Tatooine, soaking up some rays, swoop riding
through beggar's canyon, and even paused to visit the shrine of Obi Wan
Kenobi, at his old house beyond the dune sea. I nearly forgot about my
Momma Sighting earlier, until I pulled into the Cantina in Mos Eisley.
Well, I pulled my stool up to the bar inside, ordered a Wampa Ice, and
was just kicking back, when a commotion across the room caught my eye.
The Cantina band was heating things up with a jazzy tune, and there
was a crowd gathering in a circle on the other side of the bar. I pushed
my way through the crowd, wondering what could be going on, and was
astonished at what I saw.
It was the same woman I had seen battling the dark Jedi earlier! The
babe of bagdom was doing her own improvised version of the Twist, and
boy was she twisting! She gave the band a run for their money, and all
the cantina was gathering to watch. I waited at the edge of the crowd,
hoping to speak to her. Alas, she once more eluded me, and I was left to
finish my Wampa Ice alone, and return to Ri-ality, all my questions
unanswered.
I hope that I will one day see that amazing woman again, and be able
this time to speak to her. Take care, dear Sorceress, and do keep track
of that unicorn! He's going to get himself hurt, running about stabbing
Dark Jedi.
Warm Regards,
Ri
credendo vides
P.S. I have attached a few video clips that I filmed of the Momma during her
trip into Star Wars, plus a snapshot of the Dark Lord a few weeks later.
Evidently, he has forsaken his usual headgear for something on the
lighter side. I can see now why the Men of the Brown Shoes are so ardent
in their pursuit of the Anonymomma, if indeed she influences all who
meet her in this way....
Unfortunately, the mission to capture the Momma in the Universe of
Star Wars was unsuccessful, to say the least. After several attempts,
they still could not find the Momma, and when an agent was fed to a
sarlaac by a particularly robust Hutt crime lord, the head Brown Shoe
Wearers ordered the investigation cut off. The BFI, however, will not be
thwarted, and will one day triumph in this case. Or so they say.
|